Translation: The fine young gentleman up the street enacted an English-only policy in his eatery, and his profits increased by two hundred per-cent! Speaking of which, I find it absolutely preposterous that I am expected to press one superfluous button on the telephone just to hear my native tongue. Those babbling heathens should return from whence they came! I pride myself on my impartiality, but this drives me positively bonkers. Subsequently, when one’s query reaches a representative, their grasp of the English language is tenuous at best. Did I not previously specify my language of choice?!
Edit: Some people are asking who does the translating. XD This one was all me, but I’ve had a friend help me out before on a different post.